Curvy Rufioh Nitram
by mikaylee2000
Summary: my friend hates rufioh so yeah here we are fuckin trolls and shit hell yeah its so spiritual and so western im gonna cry tears of mustard
1. only in the ghetto

Curvy Rufioh Nitram - A Shitty Romance

Chapter One ~ only in da ghetto

A young woman that goes by the name of Kerry Young stands in her office. Starting today, she is officially a doctor. Her beauty shines like a dazzling supernova and her hips are so curvy that people set their drinks on them (heheh destery). Her hips dont lie. If her hips ever lie, then dishonor will be brought upon her whole family. She will be contained in the hip correction institution. Some may say her hips do lie, but we know that is not true. We know, and you should be very afraid. DO NOT QUESTION THE HIPS. THE HIPS DO NOT LIE(and now, the weather).She had a hard life growing up in the hood. There were many conflicts between the Crips and the Bloods, and occasionally the Latin Kings. Some of these brawls lasted for weeks. But not as much trouble was caused by them than what happened with the Midnight Crew three years ago. The leader of the Midnight Crew was none other than Holden Valentine himself, the man who tried kidnapping Obama armed with nothing but a man purse and a love letter, and succeeded. One sunny day while going for an ironically relaxing stroll through the dusty, desolate streets of the hood, Kerry heard a gun firing in the distance followed by a couple of police sirens and loud, petrifying screams that no human should ever have to hear.

"Only in da ghetto," Kerry thought to herself.

Kerry continued to strut her fine hips down the cracked sidewalk when all of the sudden, someone sprinted around the corner and slammed into Kerry.

"O-BOMB-A," the stranger screamed in a high pitched voice, steadying himself using her handlebar hips. "I AM SO TERRIBLY SORRY MA'AM, BUT I AM IN A HURRY,"  
he exclaimed unnecessarily loudly, wiping his sweaty colorblind hands on Kerry.

"Were you involved with those screams I just heard... Holden?" The clever Kerry asked.

Suspense hangs in the air and Holden starts to sweat.

"Yup, that's me! I'm gonna be the next presidentkage, BELIEVE IT!" Holden smiled and held out his reft hand.

"Um, yeah," Kerry uncomfortably inched away from him.

Holden was... a CLOSE TALKER. Suddenly, A curvy man with gray skin, orange wings and long bull horns, at least two feet in length each, swooped down from the sky while wearing a leather vest with decorative bones attached. He was drinking booze. He grabbed Kerry by her tabletop hips and rested his booze on them while flying her very far away from Mr. Valentine.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!" Kerry yelled. "YOU JUST RUINED MY CHANCES OF BEING THE APPRENTICE OF HOLDEN FUCKING VALENTINE!" This guy was SUCH an asshole. Even worse than the  
apache tracker.

"What's that, doll? Your h1ps are so f***1ng w1de 1 mean l1ke BANGAD*MN, My name 1s ruf1oh by the way,,," he slurred.

"Get the fuck off of me."

Rufioh dropped Kerry about three miles away from her home and flew away never to be seen again. He was like a guardian angel, only drunk and unknowing of when Kerry was actually in danger or not. To this day, Kerry wonders what race he was, why he paused so much between his words, and his life story.


	2. only in ohio

Chapter Two ~ only in ohio

Last summer, Kerry moved to Cleveland, Ohio to meet up with her old friend Lauren because she wanted to kick some ass in Ohio (since it sounds so much like Rufioh).  
Lauren was a shopkeeper in a small shop near the Hard Rock Cafe. Kerry was unaware of what Lauren's shop actually sold, but she would soon find out.

"Lovely Hooves?" Kerry muttered to herself. "That sure is a weird name for a store..."

Kerry struggled to get through the wooden door of Lauren's fine establishment because her hips were wider than the door frame. A sweaty arrow-horned man with a forced  
smile on his face who looked like rufioh grabbed Kerry with his greasy strong hands and pulled her through the door. He was holding a hUGE blue dildo. It was as huge  
as a horse dick, oh wait. Kerry suddenly realized why the place is called Lovely Hooves, why it smells like hay and sweat, and why the sweaty kid was breathing so  
heavily. 'fUCKING SHIT ASS DICK FACE WHY THE FUCK IS THIS EVEN A PLACE WHAT THE FUCK LAUREN HELP ME OH NO EW' Kerry thinks to herself.

"OH HEY KERRY HAHA HaI U LIKE MY SHOP I OPEN IT WITH HORUSS" Lauren yelled in weird broken English.

"No," Kerry explains.

"OOHOHOH U STIIL GOT THE FUNNY HOHO I LOVE THIS OCHINCHIN" Lauren screeched, ignoring Kerry's obvious hate for her. She doesn't even know that ochinchin is not the  
same word as tomodashi, but she might've done that on purpose considering that she owns a shop that sells horse dildos.

"Um, okay," Kerry stuttered. "Hey sweat stain, are you related to that curvy guy with wings?"

Horuss turns around and exhales, pulling his sweaty dildo(labeled 'The Galloping Wonder')that was about three inches in diameter out of his slippery asshole.

"You mean Rufioh?" He questioned, turning towards Kerry while cumming so hard his tentacle fluids had the force of a pressurized power washer. Kerry wipes the dark blue love juice off her dress.

"I know him. He has an appointment here later," Horse man sings.

"YES APPOINT HAHA WOW KERRY U SO COOL LIKE A CUBE BUT ICE LIKE SNOW SQUARE," Lauren stuttered.

"You mean Rufioh?" He questions, turning towards Kerry while cumming so hard his tentacle fluids had the force of a pressurized power washer. Kerry wipes the dark blue love juice off her dress.

"I know him. He has an appointment here later," Horse man sings. Why would he even WANT an appointment here? Rufioh must be into some crazy shit.

"YES APPOINT HAHA WOW KERRY U SO COOL LIKE A CUBE BUT ICE LIKE SNOW SQUARE,"

"dafuq" Kerry exclaimed.

"SPERMPAI NOTICED ME" Lauren fainted and fell onto a pile of dildos.

"jfc" Kerry screamed, trying to run out of the stanky oversized dildo emporium, but bumping into the door with her obscenely horizontal pelvic bone again.

"so r u cummin 2 meat yugioh or not?" Horuss whispered loudly, shifting on his sweaty petite feet that were wrapped in soaking wet and sticky twinkle toes, that had to be at least a size 4. It didn't really make sense since he was approximately seven feet tall, but a lot of weird things were happening to Kerry at the moment so she didn't question it.

"you know what for the sake of this story slowly spiraling downward into a pit of unanswered questions regarding everything about this fanfic, sure." kerry states,  
breaking the fourth wall.

the curvy Rufioh conveniently attempted to burst through the door, his horns causing him to bounce backwards.

"bANGARANG H*LL YEAH 1 AM FEEL1NG SO D*MN SP1R1TUAL 1N A WESTERN MANNER 1TS NOT EVEN FUNNY," Rufioh shouts.

"why" kerry cries.

"YES APPOINT HAHA WOW KERRY U SO COOL LIKE A CUBE BUT ICE LIKE SNOW SQUARE,"


	3. only in my fanfic

Chapter 3 ~ only in my fanfic which switches between past and present tense because im shit and i dont care nemore

Rufioh picks up a dildo from a shelf that says "In Loving Memory Of Old Billy" and recites the 4,444 year old poem passed down  
through the ages by being retold again and again by Old Billy's followers. "oh my dear sweet mother susanna, allow me to rec1te you  
a poem,,, from the days of old b1lly," everyone in the building including Amber Rose Tommy O'Toole'Shun Stars Merlini and Gamzee  
sit in a circle surrounded by horse-shaped candles. Kerry decides to join in because why not. Amber Rose Tommy O'Toole'Shun Stars  
Merlini's lips interlock with gamzees as Rufioh recites the epic. rufioh clears his throat. "peen so hot, hot hot peen, peen so hot  
u fry an been," rufioh sings in a scratchy high pitched voice that can only be described as 'yoy'. Suddenly, a noise can be heard  
coming from rhe roof. Mother Susanna trips and falls over old billy's dildo that had been placed in the middle of the ring prior to  
the ritual.

"hey guys can you stop calling me susanna my name is nicole-"

everyone gasps. mother susanna is back from the dead. again. this is like the 44th time. "Let's hope gamzee doesnt ki-" Amber  
pauses. Gamzee pulls out four raisins from his pocket and throws them at nicoles i mean susannas uvula.

"LÉH" my mother susanna yells as she chokes on the raisins.

"i knew i shouldve gotten the turbo," Horuss sighs, pulling a vibrator out of his anus.

"what the hell is even going on here" kerry screams over the crowd of people.

"YES APPOINT HAHA WOW KERRY U SO COOL LIKE A CUBE BUT ICE LIKE SNOW SQUARE," Lauren quacks.

My Mother Susanna dies yet again. Everyone is silent. And by everyone i mean susanna.

"rUFIOH CAN YOU PLEASE JUST GET ME OUT OF HERE IT SMELLS LIKE CRUSTY VAGINAS AND CENTIPEDES," Kerry pleaded.

"d i d you say... CENTAUR STAMPEDE?" Horuss moaned, building a turbo vibrator.

"NO" kerry snapped.

"sure doll, HEY GUYS ME AND KERRY HAVE SOME S*1T TO DO BYE" rufioh yelled, guiding saturn hips out of Lovely Hooves.

Kerry huffed, diva snapped, and walked out the door; but not before "accidentally" stabbing My Mother Susanna's carcass.

"OH KERRRY U LEAVE THAT SO SAD BYE MY OCHINCHIN" Lauren waved, her left eye rolling slowly to the left as she drooled on her velcro  
sneakers .

Now that Rufioh has saved Kerry, they have to figure out what s*1t they had to do.

"Well lets go for a walk i have a doctors degree," Kerry says suddenly remembering that she has to become a doctor.

"bangarang! thats a great 1dea doll, how about 1n that shady alley over there heh? ;)"

"fine, shithead."


	4. only in the alley

CHAPTA 4- only in the alley

they turn down the dark corner of the shadow-filled alley, it is 11:59 pm. suddenly, HOLDEN JUMPS OUT FROM BEHIND A CORNER-

"Holden relax you're a minute early," Kerry sighs.

"what i cant hear you im too colorblind" holden responds.

Troll anime question marks flew out of the top of Rufioh's empty noggin as holden pushed kerry down an obnoxiously long and quite conveniently placed flight of alley  
stairs.

"OH SHI-" Kerry screamed, falling face first.

"GASP!" Rufioh screeched in a way similar to a fox's mating call.

Kerry tumbled down the endless stairs as latula and Mituna grinded by on the railing.

"1 w4rn3d you 4bout th3 st41rs bro" Latula called out to kerry.

"1 70LD Y0U D0FR38R0CVGG" Mituna screamed as he tumbled down the stairs with kerry.

Rufioh watched as kerry and mituna neared the end of the stairs. He was thinking, which was surprising because he doesn't ever think, about how beautiful he thought kerry's glistening snow white skin looked as it was smashing into the harsh corners of the concrete stairs. As kerry was tumbling down, she could've sworn she caught a glimpse of nicole- i mean ~my mother susanna~, making out with sollux in a fly-infested dumpster while Mr. O'Toole was watching them, stroking his chin flaps. Rufioh continued to watch kerry, bloody and bruised, lying face first at the bottom of the stairs before realizing that he should go help her.

"1ll get u for th1s holden" rufioh yells after five minutes of trying to think of a cool thing to say to holden.

"you and what army? i can have da whoooole midnight kroo and obama with me at the snap of my stubby little fingies" holden retorted.

"me" rufioh replied in an unusually deep voice, trying to sound like the main character of an action movie full of explosions and shit.

"Okay, you asked for it." Holden attempted to snap his fingers, but couldn't because he put too much lotion on them before. His hands get really dry because he  
believes he is amphibious, although he isn't at all. he showers for at least 5 hours a day, making himself lack the natural oils produced by his skin. he is always dry and wrinkly, even though he is only 14 years old.

"FRICK STICKS!" Holden screamed in frustration. Holden tried desperately to snap his fingers again and again while rufioh watched him with a vacant look on his face, completely ignoring Kerry's cries in pain. On his 44th try, Holden finally snapped. Literally. He broke his finger while snapping. Just how HIGH do you even have to BE to DO that.

"OW. MY WITTLE FINGER" Holden started crying like spongebob when he tried opening a ketchup bottle, and said:

"guys just come out and john wilkes booth can u please tend to my fingie".

"right away master," booth whispered, feeling the dokis for kerry. "and who's that rOUnd cURvY cUtie?" he breathed, gesturing towards kerry. Holden just ignored him and kept sobbing.

Rufioh rolls down the flight of stairs and crawls kerry to the top on his back, which made everything harder for both of them since he couldve just flew. As he drags kerry through the broken glass pieces of Holden's lotion bottle to the closest Weenie Hut General, Horuss and Lauren emerge from the shadows on their bright red tricycles. Rufioh drops Kerry on her head into a pile of horse manure, which is used as lube in Lovely Hooves.

"w-w-w-w-what are you guys do1ng here?" rufioh asked.

"We work for holden~~~" Horuss shuddered, pinching his dark blue nipples.

"HOO HE HA HU HEE HAE WE HAD U FOOL KERRI BABI SENPIE" Lauren screeched, rubbing horuss' other nipple.

"..." kerry didn't say because she was unconscious and covered in horse shit.

rufioh stepped up to fight horuss and lauren like a big boy, but forgot to pay attention to kerry who was being dragged behind a dumpster by john wilkes booth.


End file.
